Void

When the veil was stripped away
when the silence was broken
when the breath was forced back in
when the sensations all returned
when something ended
when something began
when what you had was a lie
when the truth broke your heart
when all it did was shatter
when you went numb
when the air stopped
when the voices shut down
when your eyes were covered.

change

All good things come to an end. This is how life is. Nothings lasts forever. And everything changes. But sometimes you are the instigator of that change. And sometimes that change seems to just happen to you. Sometimes the good thing ends before it is right. Or before you have had your full...And so then what?  

fan

The shit hit the fan and so this is what life is. People break each other. They miscalculate or they misjudge or they think it will be okay eventually or they don't care or they do it on purpose and sometimes even with out knowing it. When you are younger, you have these ideas about what your life will be like. And life does not do as you want of course. But it still hurts when the shit comes out in the open. And you are left wondering...how did this happen? It was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be different. 

حقیقت

دارم به حقیقت فکر میکنم...مطمئن نیستم که تو همه موارد چیز خوبی باشه...خیلی وقت آرامش زندگی آدم رو بدجوری کله پا میکنه...و شاید نهایتا هم خیلی مهم نباشه...البته میدونم که این طرز فکر خطرناکه ولی مگه مخ آدم چه قدر گنجایش داره؟ بعضی چیزا رو ندونی راحت تر زندگی میکنی و شاید آدم مفید تری هم هستی...اشتباه میگم؟

storm

A storm is coming. I see it gathering force. The wind howling and the rain angrily falling down. It is coming our way. What will you do? Will you run? Will you hide? Will you stand your ground and defy the rules of nature? A storm is coming. 

Digest

So I am trying to digest this. It is not a complete surprise. Almost the same time last year was when I first sort of realized/thought that it might be a possibility. Right now I think the biggest thing that devastates me about it is that I was not told. Although I understand that it is extremely messy...how do you tell? Because if you do, it would imply that something needs to be done and I guess they decided that there should not be anything to tell. But how does it work? I am trying to digest this. Do I trust him less now? Am I wondering about every look, every touch every moment alone? Not really. I think a part of it is because I don't understand the attraction. I really do not see how it could happen. I am sorry to say this but I just do not see why he would. But apart from that, the one thing I am sure of is that love is complicated and it is really not exclusive although it is not equal either. But I do want to read all of it. I feel that somehow I need to know exactly what the scope of it was. Maybe someday we can talk about it. Is there something wrong with me? Should I not be more shocked? More unsettled?
I have realized that I do not talk to anybody. There was a time when I did. But now there is not a single person I can tell everything to.What happened? How did this come about? I used to have people... I am rambling a little bit I know. I just needed to get this down. That is all.